I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve written on here, a very, very long time. A lot has changed since my last post, I’m more obnoxious, less hopeful and a little more realistic. But I wouldn’t say any less interested in the world. Richy and I don’t talk anymore, I’ve seen The Wombats, my friends have acquired new experiences and so have I.
I’m different now, I still listen to the same music, like the same people, make the same silly mistakes over and over again.
Now tell me what’s been happening with you, I’ve missed this place.

Today, upon finding out that Big Moy, the large gay guy at our school with a habbo haircut has a boyfriend, I came to the sad realisation that I am destined to be alone forever. No but really, my mind cannot comprehend this, perhaps I act as some sort of future boyfriend repellent, I wouldn’t doubt it. Oh well.
So far the holidays are going swimmingly, it’s only been 4 days in and already I’ve done loads of things, gained a slight tan and met new people. I miss when I used to write little stories and things to myself on here, I don’t even know if anyone reads this, or know the people that do, but I guess I missed writing for them too. It has also come to my attention that I’m going to have to tell him soon enough that I lied. Why did I lie? Why? I hate myself. This is going to be silly and probably make him as annoyed at me as I am, but it has to be done soon, not like I haven’t kept this little fib going for the past year or so. Stupid Maddie. It shouldn’t matter though, it doesn’t change who I am, but I know regardless of whatever excuse I use to try to comfort myself that he’s still going to be mad. And he has a right to be. I guess.
What goes on in my mind? Will somebody please tell me, I’d dearly like to know. Moral of the story: Don’t tell lies, ever.
Now if only I’d take my own advice.

This weekend was so crazy, slept at Mel’s last night and we went to Bryan’s party. Can definately say I spent a little too much time in a Kimono and walked a really, really long way. It was a fun night though, but I’m so exhausted at the moment with no sleep and not enough brains to do the school work I need to finish, which means another extension english lesson I’ll spend making up an entire story to impress the teacher. She’s never impressed, though.
Also, the photo you see above is of me and nikki’s henna which Zarin did, I think they’re amazing and lovely, and I feel like I have a tattoo even though I don’t. WOAH

…iggy pop photo thing

So fella’s, here’s an update on my life at the moment, things are actually pretty swingin’ aside from the fact that my nose piercing is in trauma and my lymph nodes are swollen. Yesterday I had an interview at Grill’d which was great, and I’m 80% sure I have a job there, the manager is a rad dude and their chips are awesome. Like the thought of them actually makes me drool a bit, ok, enough of that. I’m doing a show for Guanabana on tuesday which should be good fun, and I get a $50 gift voucher out of it, so I’m keen. After listening to this guy called Jaxon’s album, which I didn’t like whatsoever, I was talking to ben about it and apparently I just ‘don’t understand.’ No, how about, the music is not enjoyable to listen to and I actually happen to have my own opinions on what I like that may not exactly mirror yours, foolish boy. New things in my life include a top sporting lips all over it, high waisted ripped black shorts, new boots finally (which were kind of necessary because I looked like a bit of a hobo..well, more than a bit) and a new brooch mum and I picked up at a garage sale for $2, but is apparently sterling silver so it’s worth heaps more, yew! Went to the beach for the first time in ages last week and got a deathly burn, but it was pretty lovely in there, the water was nice too, once you got used to it and you stopped freezing your ass off. I ate a whole thing a brie this afternoon..to myself. I think I have hollow legs. OH AND I GREW, so I now stand at a somewhat exceptionally tall 180cm, gentle giant my friends, gentle giant. Except for those times where I’m not gentle, but let’s not go there. Tegan’s day of birthing is coming up soon and I have to figure out something to get her, and once I locate the odditorium, I’ll take her there and pay for her thing. It will be amazing. My only ideas for my design and fashion major project at the moment is some massive ball gown with a crinoline underneath (sort of elizabethan undergarment which has hoops and creates a somewhat ‘bell’ skirt) out of recycled denim, white lace, chain and studs. But I don’t know, I think hardcore-ish things are more my style, rather than some prissy dress. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m sure some people make excellent ones, but s’not really for me. I remember the days when I could write 1000+ word blogs with no problem, I guess I don’t have such a drama-filled exciting life these days, but bring on the beach and chai lattes, and I will be a very happy gal.

Do you ever feel like you work so hard for something, or want something so much and other people just breeze right through and have every option opened to them? I don’t know, jealousy is a killer maddie, but so is watching someone else get offers you could only dream of left, right and centre, when the things they could do aren’t even really of interest to them. Blerg, I don’t have any contacts or anything like that. The holidays have been good though, so far I’ve spent quite a few days at the beach, I worked on triple time today and hung out with friends. I think I’m just annoyed now because I know things will never be easy for me, I’ve applied myself in classes and looked into lots of things but it won’t get me anywhere, whereas you have people asking you to do these things. Good on you, though.

Don’t worry wordpress, I haven’t left you. Merely neglected you, terribly. For that I apologise. Lately in my life a few different things have been going on. I worked at fashion week voluntarily and that was a significant amount of fun, so many memories from that. I also did a performance at Civic Theatre, and Sam was there. We’ve been talking a fair bit lately, I don’t really know what to think, or say, or do. Mainly I just wonder how this would affect other things.
I know I’m being vague and annoying, but people read this sometimes, which I can’t say I like all too much. Then again, it’s the internet. Nothing is safe. I’ve had prelims all this week and the last week and today I completed my last exam which was english extension, and I’m so happy year 11 is over. I’ve been thinking about the beach in my spare time, which is often. I was looking at some old photo’s and realised just how tanned I was compared to my ‘Harpic White and Shine’ self. Depressing.
Yesterday was Shelli’s one year free of cutting, which was.. I don’t know. I thought a lot about the things we went through together and what this meant for her, but I think in hindsight we’re both better off this way. I pondered a little on friendships and how easily they can change or end.
Today as I was lurking tumblr, Ana linked me to a post of Jemima’s which said something about her being a size six and calling other people a fat bitch would be justified because compared to her, they would be. Sometimes I don’t even know what goes through people’s minds, and why they would think something like that would be remotely okay. It isn’t. People like her are why a lot of young girls are throwing up their meals and wanting to be skinny, when they usually already are. I just find it hard to believe that someone as pretentious as her actually exists in the same world as my own. Enough about her, thinking about the things she says and does just makes me angry.
Regina Spektor is the queen of my music world at the moment, she’s fairly summery and lovely, as am I at this very moment, sitting around in nothing but a jumper and my underwear. Just as summer should be. Infact when I woke up this morning, I went outside and I could smell summer, I find the sun oddly attractive, and I’ve realised that if it is out I will do anything to be sitting in it.
I’m excited for summer, if you couldn’t already tell. I wonder if anyone I know even checks this anymore.
Hm, you’re probably bored of the update on my life for now, so I will get back to Regina, sitting in my underwear and procrastinating. Ciao Lovelies.

just sitting around doing what i do best, being a hedonist. i don’t know when smoking became attractive, i guess it snuck up on me, but hey, it is. i’ve had way too much junk food today, feeling a bit accomplished, but i have so much work to do and no time to do it. i have a strange feeling i will be getting quite a few letters home this term.